The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
