Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
