She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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