So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
