I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize