Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
