just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
