she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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