I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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