But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
