I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
