Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
