So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
