You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
