Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
