i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
