we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
