It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
