Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i will never coherently bang her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
