Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
