and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize