my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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