I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
