So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
