Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
