you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
