never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
