Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
