Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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