This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
