Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
