I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
