Someone shit on the floor
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
