I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
