I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
