Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
