Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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