good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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