I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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