Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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