I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
