i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
