I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
