I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
But theres a keg here and me gusta
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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