Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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