omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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