you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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