Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
