Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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