Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
