you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
