carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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