We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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