Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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