what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
