He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
