The maid of honor just puked.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Help. Why am I so naked?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
