Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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