her vagine was all disorganized.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
