Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize