So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
