It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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