so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
