got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
