I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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