K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
