If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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