found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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