Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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