you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
