u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
